This is
an actual review on amazon.co.UKfor Veet Hair Removal for Men...
A.
Chappell
This
review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After
having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to
take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been
mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more
difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the
missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered
it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above
some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft
office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other
half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special
surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the
gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first
there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an
intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed
wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion
hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing
to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel
and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not
bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only
succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of
tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen.. by
this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the
fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out
and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The
relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the
fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to
the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any
treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my
vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out
was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a
handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the
chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines
behind me.
This was
probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a
gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was
willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed
mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had
gone before.
Unfortunately,
alerted by the strange moans and grunts coming from the kitchen the other half
chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me,
arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a
sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".
Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't
heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which
resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I
can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in
the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having
to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream
was didn't improve my status...so to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and
self respect...:)
