Nightmares

Things are bad when I don't even get to know that I've had a nightmare .... let alone remember the dream ....

Naomi tells me that she had to wake me a couple of times last night to get me out of the dream .... but I have no memory of being woken nor of the dreams.

Flashbacks

I've been getting a lot if "flashbacks" in the recent months .... thoughts about "those times" and wondering "what if?" ..... What if there had been some good psych help for me at the time.... what would it have been like?  What would I have said?  What would have been said to me?

What sort of life would I have had if I hadn't been this damaged shell of a person?

Last night I watched a documentary about the making of the film "Platoon" .... about the effect of the Vietnam war on the individuals .... about PTSD.  .... and then I dreamed that I was being hospitalised and treated for the effects.  My mind had created a scenario that answered my thoughts.....

I can't think about it or write about it without breaking down in tears.

Hypocrisy

Today I have read two articles in the news .....

In one, it reports on the murder of people all over the world .... by officers of the US government .... officially sanctioned by the US government .... without trial, review or any form of judicial process.

And the US government calmly asserts that it is entitled to act this way.

The second article reports on the indignation of the US government that Russia should dare to give shelter to a US "whistleblower"!   

The US government is evil personified.