5 Nov16 Status

I'm finding it harder and harder to do more than an hour or two of an activity .... and part of the problem is short term memory.  I start something and see a related task .... often it has to be done before the original task ..... by the time I've finished that I've forgotten the original task.

The new normal

I remember when a wedding meant the start of a life together .... and wedding gifts were the things that the newlywed couple needed but couldn't afford.

Today we attend a wedding .... and the couple want cash gifts so they can go on a holiday to Hawaii!!

Crowd funded self gratification.

Next day:. What a horrible event.  There was only seating for about half the crowd.  Food was distributed on platters so about 6 ate at a time ... and it was a long time before more arrived.  The food was suited to a narrow taste range ..... and nothing else.
The noise was overwhelming ..... both from the reception and from the event in the next room.  Couldn't hear the speeches, could hear a person right next to you.

What's it like?

This is a post online .....
I have put it here because normal people find it very hard to comprehend the issues that can cause problems for a person who has autism.

Thank you for inviting me to your house for a dinner party. Sincerely, thank you. As an autistic person, my life has been littered with these rare invitations, as my personality usually places me towards the bottom of your invite lists. Whenever an invitation comes, I cherish it. But I'm not coming to your dinner party.

Neurotypical people are those who don't have an autistic condition. And you guys are great. In fact, without neurotypical people like you, people like me would probably never leave the house. However, you are also the primary cause of all the problems in my life.

I don't suffer from autism, I suffer from you. I am expected to fit into your way of living, and I cannot do that, so I'm not coming to your dinner party.

You like me. I make funny jokes at work. I like awesome music, and have been known to enjoy a beer. I like you, you share my interests and sick sense of humour. You're friendly and have never criticised me, until I wouldn't come to your dinner party.

Being autistic, there are a number of things that scare me about your dinner party. The first is the amount of people in one room. I have a limited bucket of energy for social interaction, and being placed in a small room with three or more people will fill that bucket within minutes.

At a dinner party, we are all seated facing each other, meaning I have to look at you. Looking at people in the eye is an intense experience for me. Also, I am worried about my sensory processing issues. Lots of people talking at once will sound, to my ears, like 12 freight trains are driving through your dining room. I am uncomfortable in new environments. I don't know the rules of your house. Where should I sit, what should I say, where is the toilet?! When can I leave? What is the normal amount of time a person is expected to stay?

Will you pressure me to eat foods I don't like? I have a limited palette, like most autistics, but I'm not a child and I won't spit the food out... well, hopefully I won't spit it out. I don't even know the layout of your house well enough to find a door leading outside for some space. I am terrified of your dinner party.

I love dinner. I know a number of great restaurants where the food is fantastic. But I am familiar with them and I can get up and leave at any time if the dinner experience becomes too much.

Despite the misconceptions, autistic people are interested in you, and we would like to spend time with you. Movies are fantastic as we all face the screen, there is little talking needed, and the post-movie debrief is an easy interaction to take part in. Concerts are as manageable as movies. Please talk to me, online chats are just as valuable as face-to-face.

I am flattered by the invite to your dinner party. I would like to hang out with you. But I'm not coming. I wasn't coming the first time you asked. I'll always have something on, or a crisis will come up suddenly preventing me from getting there. I know you are feeling like this might mean I don't like you, but it doesn't. It doesn't matter how many times you ask or how nice you are.

Invite me to the pub, at least I can somewhat hide my discomfort with alcohol. Invite me to a sports game, the crowd might cause me high anxiety but I can manage that in isolation. Please stop inviting me to your dinner party.

A stark reminder

This was in the News today.  As I read it, memories kept bubbling to the surface ..... what this man went through was very similar to my experience ..... and I had pushed much of it down and refused to think about it.  When I tried to tell Naomi about the article, I couldn't talk about it.

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A man has broken down at a Royal Commission hearing while giving a harrowing account of being sexually abused, assaulted, bullied, bound and choked at an exclusive Sydney boys school.

The witness, who is now in his fifties, told the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse that he was abused in the first week he arrived at The Kings School, in January 1972.

"I was sitting in the [recreation] room when one of the boys pushed me off a wooden bench seat that he was sitting on — it was his to sit on, not mine," he said.

"It ended in a few minutes when he took to my face and my body with his fists, he beat me until I cried then I ran off to the dorm."

The witness, who was 11 at the time, told the inquiry things got worse after that.

"A week later, or two, the same boy sexually abused me," the witness said.

"He was in the dorm naked reading a porn magazine and masturbating.

"I've never forgot how shocked I was — I'd never seen a man's erection before and I froze.

"He wouldn't let me leave until he finished and then he asked, don't you like porn?"

"I was 11 years old, I didn't know porn existed until I arrived at Kings," he said.

The former student said for the next six years he was labelled "the poofter" at the school, and he did not report the abuse for fear of being beaten.

He said older boys ran initiations for younger students and he was forced to take part in a series of violent traditions including "black balling" — where boys would cover his scrotum with boot polish.

On one occasion he said he was set-upon by five boys who held him down while he was sexually assaulted.

He told the inquiry he was often threatened with knives and deprived of liberty, on one occasion he was bound and choked with his school tie until he passed out.

He said the abuse took a heavy toll.

"My life at Kings was so unhappy I became increasingly angry and depressed."

The witness said teachers at the school turned a blind eye to the abuse.

"I was constantly and mentally assaulted by abusers, and other boys, right under the nose of masters and teachers — whose pastoral care medical teams were supposed to be in charge of my welfare," the witness said.

Teacher punished him, survivor says

The former student said that one teacher even sought to blame him for his predicament.

"He often remonstrated with me for failing to get along with other boys, my school work, my attitude," he said.

"He punished weak boys with neglect and made them be punished with pack drills — which were calisthenics [done] to the point of failure — and the boys would cry."

He said the situation became so dire that he considered suicide.

He told the hearing that he thought telling teachers was not an option, because of reprisals, and that he was too ashamed to tell his parents.

"How could I tell a soul that I'd been raped by a boy with his hand, and the whole school thought I was gay, and they beat me, and tormented me, and did unspeakable acts to me," he said.

The former student said Kings had denied him access to his school records and had not apologised or made recompense.

He told the inquiry he suffers ongoing trauma as a result of his treatment, including depression and flash-backs.

He said he wants the school to admit they failed him, and that it was "not the child…this kid didn't fail".

"I was made a victim for six years, and none of us that have suffered institutional abuse — be it sexual or otherwise — want to look like victims.

"For [The Kings School] to claim they didn't know anything like this was happening is totally incredulous," he said.

School principal concerned about the school's image, says victim

Another man, John Williams, spoke at the hearing saying he was sexually abused at the Kings School in Sydney in the 1960s, and he was rebuffed when he finally went to confront school authorities in 2002.

Mr Williams said he went to the meeting seeking acknowledgment of the abuse, rather than for compensation, but meeting with Principal Tim Hawkes gave him little comfort.

"Tim Hawkes told me that he understood what had happened when I was at school however he was very concerned about the school's image, and said if it went public it would have a negative impact on the school," Mr Williams said.

What chance do we have?

The ABC Online News reported today that Egypt had blocked a UN Security Council statement regarding the failed coup in Turkey.   Something felt wrong about the article so I read closely.

Buried in the depths of the article is the fact that the statement has to be a consensus..... it had been proposed by US and UK and Egypt had suggested a wording change .... to which US and UK had not responded.

So ..... it was not Egypt blocking at all! It is US and UK refusing to budge.

Now what are they refusing to budge on?

Back step a bit and recall that the current government of Turkey supported a failed coup of the current government of Egypt. So..... 

the US proposal of statement was worded to make a political statement supporting the Turkey government..... t Egypt proposed that the statement instead supported principles of democracy.

Interesting.   ..... and more interesting is the clear bias in the reporting from the ABC.

Independence

This morning I left the villa early with the idea of having a good massage at a spot I know on the way to the airport.  I hadn't counted on the place not being open till 11am .... with my flight at 12:30 I couldn't wait there and I was left with time to spare.

As I was waiting on the busy road for a taxi to stop, I had a time of mindfulness ..... I was calm and comfortable in myself while standing in plain view of all the busy passing traffic.  Even only 10 years ago, I could not have done that ..... I would not have been able to tolerate the idea that I was so open and visible.