First impressions

After five days, some of the effects of the claim are beginning to gel.

First is a sense of relief .... that I haven't been imagining it all this time ... it has been verified by external parties and the "system" has said to me that what I went through was not normal or acceptable .... that a child should not have been treated in that way.

Second ..... I feel as though my life is now "pre" and "post" claim .... last Wednesday was a defining moment in some ways. 

Claim!

When (last year) an inquiry was held into the abuses at the hostels I told my story. Subsequently the government made funds available for compensation claims for victims .... I put in a claim late last year and on Wednesday I was advised that I had been assessed as being in the most severe category ... and eligible for the maximum compensation!

The money can't give me my life back again ... but at present it gives me the option of seeking help.  Lately things are getting really bad.  In some ways it's almost funny.  A Melbourne uni is conducting courses to help people to deal with depression etc .... I inquired .... and was told that I was too bad ... they couldn't help me!

I really don't think that any one can help ... I just have to hold it all together till the end of the story.

Hope for the future?

Last night I dreamt that I was involved in a therapy session that healed me ..... a first!   One of my big issues is that I cannot visualise myself being healed .... so there is no chance of actually being healed because the internal self fights against being healed.

Now that I'm awake, my conscious mind can "pick holes" in the process that had been dreamed ..... but it's a significant step.

Lost faith

As we approach another election, I'm feeling that I have lost faith in democracy.  I don't see any viable alternative .... but democracy is no where near being an ideal way of life.   

The problem is that the process is continually hijacked by people seeking power ..... it can never function any other way of course ..... but the power seekers then corrupt the ideal.