Early morning muse

Why do I isolate myself?  I manufacture circumstances that make it easy to avoid attention,   to "fit into the cracks", to hide.  Why?

It all stems from that four year period of year 7 and the first 3 years of high school.  The never ceasing torment .... the constant fear .... looking back with adult eyes I can see that it wasn't really that bad .... but for a lonely young boy, it was an unrelenting nightmare ..... and the effects reverberate through all my adult behaviors moment by moment.